She was different than the girls who came before her.
All dressed in low pastels,
a few were creative, even pretty.
The German girl had an Italian name.
She wasn't very tall, maybe a head above the rest.
And slim, she kept her shape dancing.
This was the best thing about her.
Now Friday nights are a bore,
watching everyone dance the same moves,
the drunker ones touching themselves.
I am in my purple slip dress,
he is there and so is she.
The German girl sitting next to a boy,
they are laughing and talking to someone on the phone.
Gilad calls, "Tova has arrived!"
I am on the staircase and hear him say this,
so I fluff up my hair a bit.
I'm thinking how my voice is darker than the rest.
This is how forgiveness begins.
maybe a bottle of olive oil from the yard of a neighbor
you didn't think was your neighbor.
When I was in the Air Force I wanted out.
Was willing to call myself crazy,
put tobacco in my eye till it puffed up stinging.
The swelling went down as I left the nurses yellow barracks,
waving my white white exit paper
stumbling into sun.
We wait in the Air Force hospital
Forgiveness begins with me pregnant.
I came here from far away
with green in my eyes,
blue and white in my heart.
I travel each city picking up sand and rocks as I go.
Weighing myself in her.